I was thinking about why I was so terrible at doing work in my twenties. I spent them partying, reading, and arguing, but rarely very productively.

And I think I realised something.

In my twenties I would hang out with several different groups of friends. Often talking about creating something. But we never did. Because we didn’t know how.

Learning how to make something requires you to learn at your own pace. If you’re waiting for someone else, you get bored. If you are rushing to keep up, you won’t get it.

So I now think of friend groups as a socialising force. Something that keeps you from going to extremes, by learning to adapt and compromise. To be agreeable.

There’s still story Steve Jobs used to tell: his neighbour had a rock polisher. And he would show Jobs how he put two rough stones in it one night. And in the morning after they’d bumped into each other a thousand times. The rocks would come out smooth and polished.

This is what I think socialising forces are. Human rock polishers. And groups of humans, friends or family, are all rock polishers.

Unfortunately it’s in the extremes we can find real value. You can’t learn at someone else’s pace. But you also can’t discover new things at someone else’s pace. And real value always comes from discovering a gap in the market and filling it with a solution.

What this means is that socialising forces and progress are at odds. Or maybe a better way to put it is that they compete for the same time.

I want to be clear that I’m not saying socialising forces are bad. Most of the enjoyment you get out of life will come from doing things with groups of people. Be they adventures or traditions.

And there’s nothing stopping you from finding groups of people moving at your pace. Or interested in the thing as you. And rapidly learning new things.

But even in such a group. Your contribution will be an individual one.